you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
