i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
