I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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