dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
