Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
