So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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