So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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