does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
