I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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