You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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