I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
