piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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