I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
