I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
