she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
