nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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