Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
