god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
