I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
