I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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