True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
