:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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