she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
