4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bring money and cleavage
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
