You're my little dorito
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
