maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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