There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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