Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
