I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
