please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
