batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
