your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
