Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
