Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
