the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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