I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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