You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
