Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
