I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
