We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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