i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
