Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
