Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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