We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
