420 ftw
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
