The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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