yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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