did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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