If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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