im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
