just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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